When I think about the story of Jeff, I remember how awesome his family was in caring for him. They also had a friend, Jamie, who was present at Jeff’s transition. She witnessed angels surrounding the room and I want that for myself. Jamie was there for Jeff’s wife, Jean, to comfort her with her loving arms.
One of the joys of being a hospice nurse is the inner knowing that I made a huge difference to patients and their families with the support and knowledge that I shared with them. I was so grateful for the support of the friends and families of my patients when death approached them.
~ Messages from the Afterlife: Memoirs of a Hospice Nurse, p.6
It was always a gift to witness the love and support that was present during a patient’s final days. It was refreshing to witness the male family members care for their loved ones since the vast majority of caregivers are female. Perhaps it’s in our DNA or cultural upbringing or both that account for that role.
It was an education to watch the huge gambit of human behavior during the caregiving days. I saw the strain on family members who served as 24/7 caregivers. I preached the concept of giving from a full cup – taking care of yourself first – but, it often fell on deaf ears. Perhaps guilt was a factor or self-sabotage. Or maybe that caregiver was filled with love which sustained them through the anticipatory grief and pain. We are all on our own journey and it’s not for me to judge the path of another.
I had to deal with my own guilt and remorse for not being there when my mother passed in January 2013 while I was in Kundalini yoga teacher training. I now realize that I had been trying to save her all my life and I was not in control – God was.